A Paid Vacation

How marvelous! I received two days of paid vacation. I finally feel human again.

After 3 years of working for every hour of payment received and sometimes not working for a paycheck at all, I finally have made it into the paid vacation club. It's a very exclusive club. I even left a better job, just for the added benefit of getting one or two more paid vacations more than I would have otherwise, for the next two months. On Black Friday, I dropped my twins off at daycare and came back to the house with hopes of tackling a project. However, I was so exhausted and with the weight of constant responsibility lifted off my head, I collapsed onto the couch and slept for 5 hours. I'd been struggling with a cold and other sickness since the beginning of the month. Finally, I was able to catch enough of a break to do some damage to the grip of illness on my body.

Today, Sunday, I have finally reached the end of washing clothes and cooking and cleaning out the things growing in the fridge. Everything is washed. The floor is cleaned. The toys are put away and the dishes are caught up. Rarely, is this all accomplished at once.

I never thought this would ever happen to me but housecleaning is the last thing on my to-do list these days. I keep my job, first. Second, I work on resting so that I can keep my job. I then wash clothes. After that it is a toss up between making food and washing dishes. Everything else gets neglected. I've even at times neglected bathing the babies because it was too much work. I certainly have neglected bathing myself. I don't even have the presence of mind to remember my longest stint of not bathing.

If you see me on my couch too often for too long--I am resting. Interestingly enough, I have also been recovering for much longer than I realized. It was a bit deceiving when I went to my ob for a 3 week post par-tum check-up and my ob said, "Clean bill of health!" At the time it didn't ring true in any shape or form but I thought to myself, "I must be well because she says I'm well." Then I tried very hard to be well. But I did notice how I did not feel like doing anything. I felt very lethargic. I just sat on the couch. I remembered that I had preemie clothes for my babies at the bottom of the steps but could not conceive of putting forth the effort to go down to get them.

Then I got better and better. And I thought, "huh, it feels like I can climb a ladder now." And it feels like I can maneuver this power tool." This has been more recent than I care to admit. Last year a friend invited me to Zumba, I couldn't conceive of it. Now, it doesn't feel like such a mental block.

I am still recovering it feels. Just doing so in bits and pieces as I can.